life is hard sometimes.

well i'll start with the short(er) things before i get to the main point on this blog... let's see...
i've been really sick. thought i had the flu and was going to wait it out, but when my fever got to 103.5, my mom made me go to the dr. i found out that i have a really bad kidney infection- there is e. coli in my kidneys! so that's pretty scary and yes, i suppose my mom was right about making me go. you might never hear (or read) me say that again :)
i'm on some serious antibiotics and am feeling much better. i'll know on monday if the antibiotic i'm on will actually kill the infection that i have (that's when my dr will have the results from all his labwork). but for now i feel better- so if the medicine isn't working, something is.
lexi has kind of found her hands. she still hasn't seen them, but she can get them to her mouth. she loooooves to suck on her fingers. it's so cute- she'll talk and suck on her fingers and giggle and suck on them some more. she's such a sweet girl.
so, on monday, one of my parents' dogs died. she was 10 years old and had just suddenly gone way downhill (like the week before she died). of course that's a little sad for everyone (we got her when i was 14!) but all of the adults were just fine.
lincoln overheard me talking on the phone to my dad about it (even though i wasn't even in the same room he was in), and he came in and asked me, "did nana die?" i said, "no, baby! nana didn't die!" ......"mommy, did cricket die?" i thought for a minute about how the heck i was going to approach this subject. lincoln has never had to deal with death before and i knew this was going to be really difficult.... there was no way for me to sugar coat it. "yes. yes, baby. she did."
"NO! i want her to come back!". so i told him that she had been really sick and that she was in dog heaven now and that she's not in pain anymore and that it would be ok. well, that's not good enough for a 4-yr-old. he told me how much he wanted her to come back, speculated that maybe she had just run away and that she would come back, and told me that he was so very sad. i told him it was ok to be sad, and he just collapsed into my arms and bawled. it was awful.
later that day, we went out to my parents house because i had things that needed to be done out there (these plans had been made days before the dog died). when we got out there, he wanted my mom to show him where my dad had buried cricket, so they got on the golf cart and drove off to go look. i don't know exactly what was said (other than the fact that they discussed that she was buried in the dirt), but i know that when they got back, he was totally at peace with the whole thing. (one funny moment: he told my mom that when he gets old, that i will have to bury him. she told him that it was different for people and he said "good. people have a better choice!")
he tells me that he still misses her but that's ok for him to miss her. ...it was quite a tragic ordeal.
guess that's all for this go 'round.
ttfn